As we settle into the new year, I wanted to return to something many of you explored in the Year-End Wrap Up assessment.
What became clear—very quickly—is how many of you are walking the same internal path, regardless of where you are in life. The same misalignments, the same friction points, showing up in students, parents, founders, executives.
This has nothing to do with achievement or age. I know this because I see you every day in clinic.
This note is simply an acknowledgment: you’re not alone, you’re not behind, and there’s nothing “wrong.” Alignment is not a finish line—it’s a practice.
The two questions which scored the lowest were in the STABILITY section of the 4’S Framework. Some people did not even put a number in and most rating them on the lower end of the scale. This does not surprise me one bit, as we live in what we perceive to be such a fast-paced world and we feel pressure to provide answers, and responses ASAP. Honestly, we do not have to because you know why most people will not know you have not answered because they are so distracted with their own stuff or are busy answering other questions ASAP. Truthfully, I only respond and never reactnow. As I have said my quest during the last 5 years was to gain Knowledge and wisdom. Here’s what I found. There is so much information out there, we are not short of knowledge. What I did find was that unless I could apply the knowledge it did not become Wisdom. Knowledge only became Wisdom when I knew how to apply it, then I became Wise and I love sharing. Wisdom and alignment are all about practice, not about setting goals. It’s about making wisdom innate in you and that you will literally do it without thinking. It becomes a natural healthy knee jerk. It becomes part of you.
Question 1. Can you hold yourself steady? I can tolerate discomfort without immediately trying to fix, avoid, or distract myself.
Question 2. When something feels off, I pause and respond rather than react.
The Gold nugget is to Respond instead of Reacting.
Here’s what I do. The Wisdom.
1. Delay the Mouth by 90 Seconds
Practice
Say nothing for 90 seconds.
Breathe through your nose.
Let the chemical surge pass.
Most reactions don’t survive the wait. Wait, Wait, Wait. Initially a minute and a half feels like forever. Keep breathing.
2. Name the Sensation, Not the Story (to yourself, do not say this outloud) Step 1. always applies.
Instead of:
“They’re disrespecting me.”
Try:
“Heat in chest. Jaw tight. Breath shallow.”
When you name sensation’s, the nervous system downshifts.
Stories inflame. Sensation regulates.
3. Ask One Question Before Any Action.
Before replying, fixing, defending, or explaining, ask:
“What would someone grounded do next?”
Not someone enlightened.
Not someone evolved.
Just grounded.
This interrupts impulse and reintroduces choice.
4. Change Posture Before You Change Position
You can’t think your way out of a reactive state.
Do one of these first: or all 3, it will help pass the 90 seconds.
Put both feet flat on the floor.
Drop your shoulders.
Exhale longer than you inhale.
Then decide.
5. Practice Pausing When It Doesn’t Matter
If you only practice pausing in high-stakes moments, you’ll fail.
Train it daily:
Pause before replying to a text.
Pause before standing up.
Pause before opening an email.
Pausing is a muscle.
You don’t build it under load — you build it with reps.
6. “Sleep on it” / “Wait 24 hours”. Honestly this is my go-to.
I never make a decision unless I have slept on it.
Why it works.
Sleep resets emotional reactivity.
Cortisol drops, perspective returns.
The nervous system re-integrates information.
You’re not delaying action.
You’re letting the body catch up to the mind.
How to use it properly (this part really matters)
1. Name the pause out loud
This prevents avoidance.
Say (to yourself or others):
“I’m going to sleep on this and respond tomorrow.”
2. Set a non-negotiable return time
Pausing without a return point is just hiding.
Examples:
“I’ll revisit this at 9am tomorrow.”
“I’ll decide after one night’s sleep.”
If the decision isn’t clearer after that, it’s not about thinking — it’s about values.
3. Don’t rehearse the argument overnight
Rules:
No drafting texts in Notes
No replaying conversations in bed
No imaginary speeches in the shower
If you rehearse, you re-activate the same stress loop.
Sleep is only useful if you let it do its job.
4. Check the morning signal, not the mood
In the morning, ask one question:
“Does this still feel true.”
If yes — act.
If no — let it go.
5. Use 24 hours for decisions, not emergencies
This is important.
Use sleep-on-it for:
Confrontations
Commitments
Boundary setting
Emotional reactions
Do not use it for:
Safety issues
Medical emergencies
Time-sensitive responsibilities
Wisdom still respects reality.